Father's Day Reflections: Wisdom from the Fathers in My Life

 

For Father's Day this year, I wanted to have a different perspective. So, I interviewed a few fathers I know and got their points of view on things: fathers, stepfathers, and foster fathers. 

Being a father is showing up and making a difference. When I was a single mother, I thought, "Who would want my three kids and me? Who would love my kids as I do?” Well, God answered that prayer and brought me my husband and best friend, Mark. 

 

 

My Husband

Mark and I had grown up together since we were kids. We went to the same church, and as teens we all hung out. Once high school was over, we all went our separate ways. I went on to go to college and later got married and had three kids. Who would have thought that years later, after my divorce, God would bring this man back into my life, and he was the one who would love my children and me like his own. He raised them. Mark taught them how to ride a bike, pulled teeth, read them bedtime stories, prayed with them, took them to school, and was a father. I had to ask him, from his perspective, what being a father was to him, and if he was scared to take on the role of being a dad. Here is what he had to say:

Kimberly: Mark, tell me a little about your view of being a dad to our children. 

Mark: Being a stepdad was a new, exciting, scary, and enlightening experience. I had a lot of new “firsts” in my life. Some of the first things were learning how to put in car seats.  I went from a quiet home to complete chaos, learning that the kids needed structure and routine, but I had to learn to adapt to the unexpected moments when they happened. I absolutely loved attending all the school events. 

One memory that sticks out to me was this play that Ellie had. She was all dressed up in her Geisha outfit and her face painted white. We didn’t make it in time due to a heavy snowstorm and traffic. She was so upset.

Some of the things that I loved about being a dad to them were that they looked up to me. I love that I could make them laugh and teach them new things.  I enjoyed their performances when they would put on music and do a performance in the living room, dressed up and all. Hearing their laughter when they were little puts a smile on my face. I treasure those moments.  I got to experience them graduating from kindergarten all the way to high school. Still to this day, I love hearing them call me dad and telling me “I love you”.

 

My Dad

Looking back at my childhood, now older, I can honestly say that my dad is one of the hardest-working men I know. I never realized the crazy hardships my parents went through, and my dad went from a sales job to running his own business, the amount of work he did. Now, running my own business for years, I can fully understand what he sacrificed to have his own business and the amount of work it takes to have it run smoothly. The ups and downs in it, and the many nights of trying to figure out how to make it work, and knowing that money is going to come in. I feel so lucky to have a dad who showed me what hard work is and business skills that I can apply today. He is supposed to be retired, but every once in a while, I will catch him working. 

Kimberly: Dad (Clyde), tell me about some of the most rewarding but challenging moments of being a father.

Clyde: I was scared of becoming a father. You have a new life, and shaping that life and the responsibility is huge. Even more, raising that child to be a Christian. Watching our actions to be the man and father I was supposed to be.

Some of the most rewarding memories are being there when you and your brother were born. Being able to hold you immediately. Praying with you both at night and kissing you. Some of my favorite memories were letting you do my hair and adding barrettes. Pretending all the time with you both. Pretending that the ground was lava, pretending we were in an airplane, seeing all the places.  Reading so many books and telling us stories. Rikki-Tikki-Tavi was one of your favorites, and I practically had it memorized. Taking you camping and sailing.

Some of the most challenging moments for you (Kimberly) were your choice of boyfriends.  You were both teens and not getting along. 

Kimberly: What is some advice you would give to new fathers?

Clyde: My advice that I would give new fathers would be to look to their own father for advice. If they didn’t have a father, to seek a father figure who was a good father. They can watch a father for sound advice. I recommend them to read books that would make them a good father. Prayer, pray with your children, pray for your children.

 

My Father-in-Law

Which leads me to my father-in-law. He watched me grow up as a kid into a teen. He married my husband and me. He is a father to three kids, one of whom I married. (Mark)

Kimberly: Richard, what were some of your favorite memories of being a dad? 

Richard: I am a kid at heart. I loved playing with the kids and love playing with my grandkids; it’s a way for a father to embrace his children and grandchildren without being mushy. 

Kimberly: What were your most challenging moments being a father? 

Richard: Honestly, teenagers and teaching them to drive, making sure they make good choices, the expense of raising them. 

Kimberly: What is the most rewarding moments of being a father?

Richard: The most rewarding is right now, seeing my two sons love and respect me. Seeing my sons serve in the military. That Mark completed being a Marine. 

Kimberly: What advice would you give young fathers today? 

Richard: Funny, you would mention that today. You must show your children that you love your wife. Kiss your wife, show her attention.

 

My Friend

My next father is a foster father. I interviewed Scott, he is a man who not only loves Jesus but is also a loving husband and a pastor. 

Kimberly: How did you decide to become foster parents?

Scott: Honestly? I never wanted to do foster care. My wife, Amanda, had mentioned it several times, but I wasn't on board. More kids meant more responsibility, and we already had five sons.

At the time, though, I had been praying a very specific prayer: "God, break my heart for the things that break Your heart." It wasn't long before He answered that prayer.

My sister-in-law was a foster parent and had a 10-year-old girl in her home who wanted to go to church. Amanda and I started taking her. We'd spend time with her after church, get to know her, and before long, God began to do something in my heart.

What started as helping one little girl turned into a burden for kids in foster care. I began to realize that there were children all around us who needed safe adults to step into the gap and simply show up for them.

Since we already had five boys, Amanda and I decided that if we became foster parents, we'd focus on teenage boys. Ironically, that's one of the hardest groups for agencies to place. Many families are eager to foster babies or young children, but teenage boys are often overlooked.

So the very thing that initially felt intimidating to us became the place where we felt God was calling us to serve.

Being a foster dad is a unique experience because one of the things I never want to do is try to replace a child's father. They already have a father, and whether that relationship is healthy, complicated, or absent, my role isn't to erase that. My role is simply to be a safe, consistent adult in their life for however long God allows them to be in our home.

Kimberly: What is being a foster dad like? How do you go about showing them love? And how do you go about showing them what a father looks like?

Scott: It's also a lot of fun. Every child comes from a different background, culture, and life experience. We try to honor those things while also inviting them into our family and the values that shape our home.

One of the greatest joys has been exposing kids to experiences they may not have had before. We've taken foster children on vacations, family outings, and camping trips. Camping is probably our favorite. Most of the teenage boys we've fostered have never been camping, so watching them learn new skills, sit around a campfire, and enjoy the adventure is something we really love.

As far as showing them love, it usually starts with something very simple: consistency. We show up. We keep our word. We eat meals together. We include them in family activities. We listen to their stories. Over time, trust begins to grow.

What I've learned is that beneath all the hurt, uncertainty, and protective walls, these kids are just kids. Like any child, they want to be seen, valued, encouraged, and loved. Once they realize you're genuinely there for them and not expecting anything in return, it's amazing how much they respond to that.

Kimberly: What is something you have learned from being a foster parent?

Scott: There are honestly too many lessons to list, but if I had to pick one, it would be this: don't write people off.

Foster care has taught me just how much brokenness exists in our world. It's easy to live in our own little bubble and assume everyone has experienced life the way we have. But when you begin hearing these kids' stories, you quickly realize that many have faced challenges most adults would struggle to overcome.

The majority of the boys we've fostered have come through the juvenile justice system. On paper, some of them have records that can be intimidating. But once you get to know them, you often discover a much deeper story. Many grew up surrounded by addiction, alcoholism, abuse, neglect, instability, or simply overwhelmed parents doing their best under incredibly difficult circumstances.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that behavior is often the symptom, not the root problem.

Some of the sweetest kids I've ever met were kids that society had already labeled as troublemakers, gang members, or lost causes. Yet when they were given consistency, structure, safety, and genuine love, many of them were eager to choose a different path.

If there's one thing I want people to know, it's that every child is worthy of safety, dignity, and love. Don't judge a book by its cover. Don't assume a child's worst moment defines who they are or who they can become.

These kids are our future. They need adults who are willing to believe in them, invest in them, and refuse to give up on them. Sometimes, one caring adult can change the entire trajectory of a child's life.

Kimberly: What is one of the most challenging things that you have experienced as a foster dad?

Scott: One of the most challenging experiences I've had as a foster dad happened in 2025 when Amanda's mother passed away.

Our family needed to travel to New York for the funeral, but we had a foster placement who couldn't travel with us for reasons beyond our control. His team of social workers arranged for him to stay with his adult brother while we were gone.

We dropped him off the evening before our flight.

The next morning, as we were boarding the plane, we received a phone call that changed everything. Sometime during the night, his older brother had been murdered right in front of him.

I've experienced heartbreak before, but I've rarely felt as helpless as I did in that moment. Part of me wanted to turn around, get off the plane, and go find this kid just to hug him and let him know he wasn't alone. At the same time, we were on our way to bury Amanda's mother.

I called him as soon as I could to see how he was doing.

His response was simple: "It is what it is."

I'll never forget those words.

What struck me wasn't a lack of emotion. It was the realization that the kind of tragedy that would completely shake most people had become almost normal to him. For many of these kids, trauma, loss, violence, and instability aren't rare events—they're part of the environment they've grown up in.

That moment changed me. It reminded me that foster care isn't just about providing a bed, a meal, or a place to stay. It's about stepping into the lives of children who have often experienced more pain than most adults can imagine and letting them know they don't have to carry it alone.

Kimberly: What advice would you give a young father or a new foster dad?

Scott: One word: invest.

Your children will be shaped by someone. It can be you, or it can be the world. Either way, they are learning every day from what they see, hear, and experience.

Be intentional. Instill in them their value and their worth. Speak life into them. Build their confidence. Encourage their gifts and feed their passions.

Most importantly, help them understand that nothing in all creation is more important than their relationship with God.

As a father, be the spiritual leader of your home. Worship God openly in front of your children. Pray with them. Read Scripture with them. Don't pretend to have it all together. Let them see your dependence on God. Tell them about the ways He has worked in your life and the lessons He is still teaching you.

Lead by example, because children will often remember what you do long after they've forgotten what you said.

For foster dads specifically, remember that you may have a child in your home for two days or for two years. You may never know how much influence you'll have or what seeds you're planting. That's why consistency matters so much. Show up. Keep your word. Lead with love.

You may not be able to change a child's entire story, but you can change a chapter. And sometimes one healthy chapter can make all the difference.

 

Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there.