A new Season of what being an Empty Nester Mom is.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. Chicken moms, dogs, cats, lizard moms, and mothers in general. This Mother's Day looks different for me. I was trying to think of what I could write about, and yes, it came to me at a golden hour of 3 am! Gotta love those early morning ideas. So, back to why Mother's Day looks different this year. My husband and I are officially empty nesters. My son moved out last year, and just a few weeks ago, my daughter moved out. Honestly, it’s been good and bad. In my son's room, I have been slowly transitioning it to my creative space. It has a lot of work to be done, but as I get inspired, it will come together. It is weird walking into his room and seeing memories of his stinky boy room with Lego creations on his dresser and shelves. As for my daughter's room, she left her bed, dresser, shelves, and the TV. Her room smells so good. It is kinda our guest bedroom, but it's where I sometimes sleep. My husband goes to bed so early and wakes up at 3 am. Also, just being in her room, I feel closer to her.
I look back 26 years ago when I was pregnant with my first. I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world, and I learned so much from having three children. Each one with VERY different personalities. My oldest daughter will be 26 this year, which is so crazy to think about. She was one to learn and loved to learn. Life was hard for her in school, but one of my favorite memories was that she wanted me to come with her to the LISA event she was a part of. It is a program at her school for art students. It was really neat seeing her create art and be a part of group activities. It was one of the most bonding times with her.
My second was 6 years later. My sweet son. He was a joy! Even though he wanted to join our family early a few times, the doctor finally let it happen. Looking back, when I was in high school, I somehow feel like God prepared me for my son. I worked with special needs and learned sign language. When he was born, he had seizures and was on the spectrum. But like I said, God prepared me, and I was okay with it. He was the kid who took things apart and put them back, Lego crazy boy, and of course, video games. He is super smart. I would often look in the back seat where he was sitting, and he would be coming up with his own math problems or formulas. Ya know the ones with letters in them. Can you tell I failed math? One of my favorite memories was the early morning, like 1 am, I couldn’t sleep, and he was downstairs playing video games with his friends online. I said let's go get food at Waffle House. He was 18 at the time. His friends joined us, and we all ate together. It was something I will never forget. He is now in college, exceeding all expectations and living with his friends. I am one proud mom.
My third, I prayed for a girly girl, and I sure did get that. She is what I would call a mini-me. A spitfire, strong-willed child with a very creative and very smart personality. She tested me every moment of the day. She and my son are only 17 months apart. They would play a lot together. She was not your typical girl playing with Barbies, but loved to do all things art and loved her Littlest Pet Shops. She also loves to bake. She has a heart of gold, always wanting to uplift others and do things for people to make their day better. She reminds me so much of me. Loving hard and helping others. That and she got my art skills. Although she is not a touchy or hugger kinda gal, her love language is gifts and service. My favorite memory is this one time she said for me to come hang out with her in her bed and watch TV together. I will never forget how that filled my cup that she wanted to have a very short cuddle moment, but hey, I will take what I can get.
This is my advice for young moms: time flies so quickly. You blink, and the next thing you know, they are graduating and then moving out. Listen to your children. They are pretty darn smart, even at 2 years old. I swear they have a different perspective. Secondly, play with them. I think as adults, we forget to pretend and lose our fun. Although my friends and kids will tell you I am just a crazy, fun person. Get on the floor or pretend with your children. Read to them, let them read to you, even if the words don’t match what the book is. It is fun listening to them tell the story in their own version. Also, admit to them when you made a mistake and apologize to them, asking for forgiveness. It shows we are not perfect, and they will learn about apologizing. As for teaching them independence, my children started learning that there are responsibilities that are required of them, like making their bed, cleaning their bathroom, doing dishes, helping with dinner once a week, and doing laundry that they didn’t get paid for. We had above and beyond jobs that we had a list with how much each one paid that they could do, and then they would have to write up what they did, the amount, and invoice my husband and me, and we would pay them and help them budget it. It teaches independence at a young age. Pray with them, pray for them. As a Jesus-loving mom, I pray for them. I tell them I love them.
As I type this up at 4 am, I look around my home, not filled with laughter, arguments, and tantrums, with a house once filled with kids, I honestly miss it. My younger friends who have young children, when I talk with them on the phone, I enjoy hearing their children say mom a million times, kids playing in the background, tantrums, and laughter. Now I just have my three goldens on the couch with two cats wanting to be on my lap. Embrace those teaching moments from your children and you teaching them. Happy Mother's Day.
Darcie, Calvin, and Ellie, thank you for giving me the gift of being your mother. Thank you for teaching me, loving me, and inviting me into your adult world. I hope that I was able to teach you something to prepare you for your adult lives.
Love your mother, or as you call me, mom, mommy and ma.
Kimberly Gonzales